I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
operation have a gay friend backfired
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
