He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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