Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
