even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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