so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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