i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
