I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
