Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
