He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
