Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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