I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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