I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
