Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
