But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
