one might say we're banned from that church
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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