I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
