we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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