I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
