Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
