Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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