You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
