Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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