Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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