Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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