never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
