He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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