Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
