We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I puked a lego.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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