i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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