I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have already put on my inside pants.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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