new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
