do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
