I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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