So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
