There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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