Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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