I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
