in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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