you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
