I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
