my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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