i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize