living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
