I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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