Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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