I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
