just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
