mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
