Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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