Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
