Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
