Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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