That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the condom got lost in my hair
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
