Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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