No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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