I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
