return my video game
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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