Porn is love you can see.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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