that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
