I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I came so hard my ears popped.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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