i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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