If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
