Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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